Part of Pope Francis’ legacy: three phrases for better communication with one’s family

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Newly-elected Pope Francis began his papacy, declaring to the faithful in St. Peter’s Square: “Brothers and sisters, good evening! You know that the duty of the conclave was to give a bishop to Rome. It seems that my brother cardinals went almost to the end of the world to get him. But here we are. I thank you for this welcome by the diocesan community of Rome to its bishop. Thank you.”

Jorge Mario Bergoglio, the Argentine son of Italian emigrants of Piedmontese and Ligurian descent, was the first South American pope and the first Jesuit to become Peter’s successor. He was graduated a chemist, and before taking his vows, he worked in factories, and he was even a bouncer.

A bishop and cardinal in Buenos Aires, he dealt with both material and spiritual poverty and always held the poor close to his heart. We remember him for his relentless commitment to peace, his love for creation—which he shared with the “poor man from Assisi”—his desire to reform the Roman Curia, his fight against abuse, especially of minors, and interreligious dialogue; however, we can’t forget his defense for life, his fight against the “culture of waste,” and his desire to help engaged and married couples grow in their love for one another.

The pope said, “A marriage is not only successful just because it endures; quality is important.”

“To stay together and to know how to love one another forever is the challenge for Christian couples,” Pope Francis said at an audience dedicated to engaged couples on Feb. 14, 2014. “What comes to mind is the miracle of the multiplication of the loaves: for you too, the Lord can multiply your love and give it to you fresh and good each day. He has an infinite reserve!” Well-aware of the fear people often have of definitive choices, he said that “as the love of God is stable and forever, so too should we want the love on which a family is based to be stable and forever. Please, we mustn’t let ourselves be overcome by the ‘culture of the provisory!’ Today this culture invades us all, this culture of the temporary. This is not right!”

May I?, thank you, I’m sorry: the three phrases for healthy communication with one’s family

During this audience for engaged couples in February 2014—in which Pope Francis told the couples present that “there is no party without wine,” referring to the miracle of the Wedding at Cana—the pontiff, elected just a year prior, iterated the three phrases necessary for healthy communication with one’s family members.

1. “Can I? May I?” “This is the polite request to enter the life of another with respect and care. One should learn how to ask: may I do this? Would you like for us to do this? Should we take up this initiative, to educate our children in this way? Do you want to go out tonight? … In short, to ask permission means to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others. Pay attention to this: to know how to enter with courtesy into the lives of others.”

2. “Thanks”: “It seems so easy to say these words, but we know that it is not. But it is important! We teach it to children, but then we ourselves forget it! Gratitude is an important sentiment! […] In your relationship, and tomorrow in married life, it is important to keep alive the awareness that the other person is a gift from God—and for the gifts of God we say thank you!”

3. “I’m sorry”: “In life we err frequently, we make many mistakes. We all do. […] Perhaps not a day goes by without making some mistake. The Bible says that the just man sins seven times a day. And, thus, we make mistakes… Hence the need to use these simple words: ‘I’m sorry.’ In general, each of us is ready to accuse the other and to justify ourselves.” For the pope, it’s “an instinct that stands at the origin of so many disasters.” Furthermore, he urged, “Let us learn to acknowledge our mistakes and to ask for forgiveness.”

This is how we would like to remember him: offering these three pieces of advice to couples: “May I?” “Thank you!” and “sorry!” Three simple phrases, as he was a simple man, which are often forgotten with in the family. So, let’s embrace his teachings and be guided to show more humanity and understanding with our family members.