Pope Leo XIV: “To love means letting the other be free – even free to betray us.” What does that mean for married couples?

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A recent homily by Pope Leo XIV given on August 20, 2025 at a Wednesday general audience sparked lively debate. Reflecting on the theme of forgiveness, the pope began with the story of Judas’s betrayal, emphasizing that Jesus broke bread with him, too, to show that He never stopped loving him – even though Judas was free to reject that love.

In his address, the pope said: “How many relationships are broken – how many have their own complications – how many words are left unspoken. And yet, the Gospel shows us there is always a way to keep loving, even when everything seems irreparably lost.” He went on to add: “Forgiving doesn’t mean denying that something bad was done, but preventing even more bad to come from it. It’s not about pretending like nothing ever happened, but about doing everything possible to prevent resentment from dictating the future.”

Free from resentment

According to the pope, when we follow the Gospel’s teaching, “To love means to let the other be free – even free to betray – without ever losing faith that even that freedom, wounded and misguided, can be rescued from darkness and come back into the light of goodness. […] Even if the other doesn’t accept it, even if it seems in vain, forgiveness frees the one who gives it: it releases resentment, restores peace, and lets us return to ourselves.”

These words stirred lots of different reactions – from those who embraced the message to those who accused the pope of sending a misleading message about love.
In regard to marriage, some critics claimed the pope was justifying infidelity, suggesting that a spouse who is cheated on should simply accept it or stick around for it.

But a closer look reveals a much deeper message: to keep trusting in goodness even when we can’t see it, to resist the temptation to be ruled by hatred or revenge, and to respond with a different kind of strength.

A testimony of marital forgiveness

When we think about marriage and divorce, there are couples who choose to remain faithful – to love in a new way, even in cases of separation.
One example is Ettore Leandri, president of the Italian community Married Forever (Sposi per Sempre).

His wife chose to walk away from their marriage, choosing separation. He lost so much – his home, daily life with his daughters, and more. Yet he decided not to hate her, not to lash out, not to condemn her. Instead, he chose to keep faith even in this new dynamic.

The pope’s words are anything but out of touch from reality. In the situation of a marriage that’s gone through hardship, they ring especially true: “To love means to let the other be free – even free to betray […] Even if the other doesn’t accept it, even if it seems in vain, forgiveness frees the one who gives it: it loosens resentment, restores peace, and gives us back to ourselves.”

Leandri’s wife was free to leave him, to abandon the life they built together, even against his will. But he, too, is free – free to not hate her, to respect and honor her regardless of her choices. He is free to respond to betrayal with forgiveness, infidelity with loyalty – until the end.

Forgiveness: a sign of weakness, or of strength and freedom?

Betrayal, forgiveness, loyalty – these have always been woven throughout human history. They’re timeless themes present in every life, shaped by endless nuances. No culture can avoid confronting the fragility of the human heart – our capacity both to wound and to be wounded, and our struggle to choose whether to fight evil with evil or to take the high road.

From ancient literature to modern films, we see this same tension – the battle between hatred and forgiveness. On one hand, the difficulty – or refusal – to forgive. On the other, the deep peace that comes when we finally let go of resentment.

We have explored this topic from various points of view. Often, we explore it through literary works or the classics, like in the article: Hatred, vengeance, reparation and forgiveness in the film Forgiveness and reconciliation, especially when nothing is expected in return, are never simple. The pain of betrayal can pierce the soul.
At times, forgiving may seem like weakness, or even injustice – as though by forgiving, we are minimizing the wrong we suffered.
Because of this, those who forgive – or urge others to forgive – are often seen as naïve, out of touch with reality, blind to the fact that hatred feels natural when one has been hurt.

And yet – as difficult as it may be – the truth remains:
The one who forgives is free.
The one who shows mercy is free.
Free to start living again.
Free to look at the other with new eyes.