Friday, December 8 2023

Eternal love exists, at least according to studies and research; we could
say “according to science”, even if we look around and this statement may
seem absurd, just a phrase for ‘incurable’ romantics, the utopia of lovers,
destined to vanish sooner or later.

Yet the exchange of vows for eternity continues to be veiled in an aura of
magic, to be pursued as a dream, often considered unattainable, a desire
that fascinates and at the same time almost frightens that it may end, and
even badly.

Research confirms that it is possible to love each other forever

A study from the University of Arizona a few years ago,
published in the American journal Psychological Science, revealed
that eternal love exists and cannot be broken even by death. In addition to
confirming the close relation between love and the wellbeing of spouses,
the research shows that the bond continues even after the death of one of
the two partners, regardless of age, health status and years of marriage.

And so, despite the high rates of divorce, of marital crisis spread all
over the world, ‘eternal love’ still has some hope. Studies and research in
the field of neuropsychology have analyzed the activity of brain regions
responsible for falling in love in people who have been married for an
average of 21 years and in those who have recently fallen in love. The
results say that

it is possible to love each other for a long time and also to continue
to fall in love, with each other, every day

. In short, it seems that science affirms that eternal love, seen as
romantic, almost as a stigma reserved only for the naive, is not only
really possible, but that it also does a lot of good and is a source of
true well-being for people who live it; it is a kind of guarantee for
happiness. The beloved one is imprinted in the mind and it is not possible
to erase him or her, and not even if – absurdly – we tried to do so, we
would be able to eliminate that person completely, because true love is
indelible, as a ‘strange’ movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey and Kate
Winslet, reminds us.

Eternal love is not just an illusory hope

The idea of authentic love linked to the desire for eternity persists in
the younger generations, but perhaps only as an illusory hope, because what
is missing is planning and commitment, and in the pact, the promise of
eternity. Translated into everyday life, it implies the courage to build
that ‘forever’ every day, to renew those vows every day, to ‘say yes’ not
only once and forever – which could sound, especially in times of
difficulty, almost like a condemnation without appeal – but every day, in
perpetuity, in a path that is built moment by moment, difficulty by
difficulty, and that, in this way, becomes eternal. Forever is possible and
achievable because it becomes the fruit of a free and conscious choice, in
which both lovers choose love first and foremost.

Eternal love doesn’t make news

The love we are talking about is capable of going through the crises – they
are inevitable – of resisting the storms, the pride, the claustrophobic
fear of living the bond that unites as a tie that oppresses and limits
personal freedom. Of course, as the old proverb says, “a falling tree makes
more noise than a growing forest”. And so, unfortunately, we find ourselves
having to deal with so many stories of separations, of crises, and even in
the cinema, apart from the rare cases of sappy stories, it seems to be
difficult to tell the story of love, marriage, eternity and therefore
happiness, a joy that does not mean, of course, the absence of pain, but
that certainly implies a choice, the commitment of the will that is renewed
every day. That love which, all in all, still exists and survives in a
‘liquid’ society – where everything passes, in which couples, at the first
sign of discomfort, often without even an attempt at reparation, prefer to
separate and try again elsewhere – does not make news, it goes unnoticed.
So we are surprised when a rather famous Italian actor publicly declares to
be still, and forever, in love with his wife that he lost more than ten
years ago, due to an illness. A rather similar story to that experienced by
the protagonists of “Lei mi parla ancora” (She still talks to me)
an Italian film by Pupi Avati released in February 2021 that tells of the
strength and sacredness of an eternal feeling.

A possible and realizable dream that leads to happiness

Reality, however, sends us different images, it almost seems as if we lived
in a sort of negative illusion, supported in some way by society. The
culture of ‘no-fault divorce’ has made marriage itself unstable, we no
longer marry, we only settle for short-term happiness, or we marry, leaving
the ‘emergency door’ open for when the falling in love ends. But instead,
as the research has shown, falling in love can be, if you want, a condition
to live forever and starting from everyday life, from the small gestures of
every day, in the constant willingness to give and forgive each other, to
fulfill the dream of an eternity that everyday and forever becomes present
and leads to happiness.


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