Smartphones for children: rules and digital education – not prohibitions

Questo articolo è disponibile anche in:

The age at which children receive their first smartphone is steadily decreasing, often being as early as primary school age. Faced with this change, some parents adapt – or give in – while others become increasingly concerned and look for guidance.

Stefania Garassini, journalist and lecturer in Content Management and Digital Journalism at the Catholic University of Milan, encourages us to reflect on this phenomenon. In her book Smartphone. 12 ragioni per non regalarlo alla Prima Comunione e neanche alla Cresima (Ares, 2026) (“Smartphones – 12 reasons not to give them as gifts for the first Communion or even Confirmation”), she gathers and echoes the concerns of many educational experts: placing such powerful tools in the hands of children or preteens without adequate guidance can be highly risky.

Smartphones for children: the courage to wait until at least 13 years old

The recommendations from pediatricians cited by Garassini are clear: independent smartphone ownership should be postponed until at least age 13, while access to social media should come even later.

Even on the international level, the same suggestion is being made. The Finnish National Agency for Education reiterates that a personal smartphone is not recommended before 13 years of age and encourages gradually introducing kids to this tech with supervision.

Similarly, the movement Smartphone Free Childhood highlights the risks of overexposure, including negative effects on concentration, sleep, and self-esteem. Therefore, it encourages families to form “class coalitions,” in which parents agree to delay giving their children a phone until they’re at least 14.

Digital agreements: a new educational frontier for smartphones

One of the factors that most often pushes parents to give their kids a phone is peer pressure: Since their kids come home saying, “Everyone else has one.” In an attempt to counter this dynamic, so-called “digital agreements” are emerging.

These are arrangements between families – a kind of “educational alliance” – to set shared rules for when smartphones are introduced and how they are to be used. The benefits are tangible: children are exposed to digital devices later, conflicts at home are reduced, and adults adopt more consistent approaches.

In Italy, such initiatives have been promoted by the University of Milan-Bicocca, together with associations such as AIART Milano, MEC, and Sloworking, with the goal of providing parents with practical tools to address the educational challenges of the digital world.

Similar experiences are happening in other countries. In the United States, for example, the movement Wait Until 8th promotes a shared parental commitment to delay smartphone access until at least middle school. Organizations such as the Family Online Safety Institute have long worked to promote more conscious technology use within families.

Smartphones are to be used, not owned: focusing on relationships

What happens when “everyone already has one” and a collective agreement is no longer feasible?

One possible solution is mediated use. Some educational experts suggest avoiding the logic of ownership and instead introducing shared devices. A family device can be used by the child at specific times and under specific conditions.

With this method, the smartphone is not the child’s personal object, but a family tool: it is used during certain times, for specific purposes, and always with adult supervision.

The difference is significant. Ownership implies early autonomy, often before the devices can be responsibly managed; shared use, instead, introduces gradual learning supported by an educational relationship.

The first step in education always begins with setting an example

The issue, then, is not only whether or when to give a child a smartphone, but how to integrate it into family life. Healthy smartphone use does not happen by chance: it requires clear time limits, age-appropriate permissions, active supervision, and ongoing educational guidance.

A smartphone should never become a kind of “anesthetic,” nor a default pastime that replaces creativity and real connection. On the contrary, it should be introduced as a tool to be used consciously and in a consistent way, within a framework of rules and dialogue.

There is also a decisive element: the example adults set for their children. Parental behavior speaks louder than rules. That is why it is important to ask ourselves, even before setting limits for children, how do we use smartphones: do we keep them on the table during meals? Do we constantly check them while someone is speaking to us? Do we use them to fill space in a moment of boredom?

Small concrete actions can make a difference: setting device-free times (such as during meals or before bed), avoiding being distracted by them when with our children, and showing that it is possible to choose to go offline. Proposing smartphone-free days or spaces can also help create moments in which the whole family experiences more authentic connection. Because digital education begins, first of all, with what children see every day.